5.15 in the morning

Assalamualaikum & selamat sejahtera

I feel like shit. I know I wasn't supposed to curse because it's a bad thing & so low of morality. But that has just summarised my feelings for these past few days. Yep. No doubt. 

So umm I am completely agree that pms is a real thing. Well honestly, I thought pms is unreal whereby your mind is actually the cause of it. Cuz a couple of days before I was so content with my life. I was like, "yaa man nothing can stop me and nothing can bring me down." Aaaand suddenly, it happens. I feel like shit till now. 

Tuhan nak duga kita tu sekejap je kan. For the first minute you feel happy and the next minute it was like asdfhjkl. But this is maybe one of His ways on how to make me always remember Him so that's fine.

I woke up super early today by the way at 4.53am NZ. Ok tipu. Terjaga waktu tu, cuba untuk tidur balik tapi tak boleh. Jadi bangun betul-betul pukul 5.15am NZ. Ya lepastu buat apa? Lepastu aku sibuk mengarang kat notes dalam phone sebab aku rasa berat kat hati jadi aku tak suka perasaan tu. Ok sambung.

Whenever I get into a fight or miscommunication with someone, I always said that it's because of my pms or you can blame my pms. Supaya mereka tak rasa serba salah sangat. Ha ha. & those things selalu jadi bila dah nak dekat period pun so...ok. I know it's not a good thing to put all the blames on your pms sebab nanti orang tak akan ambil serious pasal apa yang kita cakap sebab mereka fikir yang kita sebenarnya okay je, tapi sebab kita pms tu yang kita rasa macam tak kena & beremosi. Jadi mereka akan biar je kita rasa macam tu. Aku rasa sebenarnya apa yang kita cakap & rasa tu betul je, tapi sebab waktu tu kita tak beremosi. Jadi bila pms ni dia triggered our ways of thinking and emotions. It turns out bad la.

Aku macam kesian juga dekat boyfriend sendiri sebab kadang tu benda yang sebenarnya aku boleh fikir sendiri tu aku jadi bodo sikit bila pms. Benda yang lama pun aku nak kena mention juga padahal aku dah get over it pun. Tapi bila pms ni dia macam mengundang tau. He said that baik cakap je daripada biar nanti lama lama jadi busuk lagi tak elok. So that's why I said what I said. Aku bersyukurlah yang dia boleh sabar dengan aku sebab macam ????? Fahamlah kan perempuan beremosi ni macam mana. Tapi sampai bila dia boleh bersabar........huhu. Man I'm scared of losing him...tapi Tuhan Maha Mengetahui, jadi usaha jelah yang terbaik. 

This is out of context but; it's okay for his friends(girls) to post picture with him, but my jealous ass cannot relate. Untuk yang jenis tak jealous tu ha takpelah tapi aku jealous? Ya sedar diri ni bukan isteri lagi jadi tak ada hak nak rasa jealous tapi he issssss my boyfriend?????? Tapi mungkin betullah kan tak ada hak nak rasa gitu tapi perasaan ni kadang boleh kawal ke you tell me? Anyway, for those yang minta izin I untuk post gambar dengan dia tu thanks. At least you acknowledge me as his girlfriend. Ha ha.

Aku rasa lega sikitlah dah tulis semua kat sini. Because it's my blog, I don't have to worry about other people judging me. They can judge, only if they read my blog lah kan itu ja. Tapi kalau ada salah silap & nak bagi nasihat tu tegur jelah secara baik. Aku terima dengan hati yang terbuka. 

Last but not least, 

"it is easier to put the blame on yourself rather than anyone else. 
At least you can control yourself. You'll learn and grow from it." -Syasya debombz

Ayat atas tu cuma pendapat aku sajalah. Kalau kau ada pendapat kau, feel free to share if you want. Aku okay je nak dengar. Mungkin aku boleh terima sebab aku boleh cuba untuk imagine apa yang kau cuba sampaikan. Tapi itulah tak ada orang baca blog ni macam mana nak dengar pendapat orang lain hahahaha. 

Till then.

Wassalamualaikum

Suci dari hati, Syasya Amirah Binti Mohd Zaki